fireside talk @ the Icebreakers Men's ReWild Weekend

Earlier this year, I had the opportunity to speak at a men's wellness retreat.

I took the train to the West Country to Campwell Farm, a glamping destination just outside of Bath. I met the guys, a mixed group of men ranging from their fifties to their early twenties, late on Saturday afternoon, speaking to them before dinner before staying overnight and joining in with the rest of their activities.

After skinning rabbits and leaving them stewing for our dinner, we sat under a tarpaulin around a campfire in the forest and I told my story, taking questions throughout. No matter what was said, I felt like I had so many things to say and could have kept going until the fire burned out.

Most of the guys on the retreat said that their jobs were things they disliked at best and that they found anyone doing something a bit off piste interesting.

That’s where I came in.

what we spoke about

They asked about playing rugby as a profession and how I navigated change to another somewhat risky endeavour in becoming an author and content creator. I spoke about how when I played my best rugby, I took risks on the field and that creative work is no different. You need to make your best effort and when you feel some fear, you might really be feeling a sense of possibility, an invitation for you to push beyond what you think you’re capable of.

I told them about John Keats’ concept of negative capability and how ‘when a man is capable of being in uncertainties, mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching after fact and reason’, this is when insights occur or flow states arrive.

We also spoke about risk. Playing rugby is far more risky than sharing creative work where the worst possible response is usually just silence. Once you realise that the downside of sharing is just being ignored and the best possible result is success, in the form of a well-received piece of art or even a new career opportunity, is sharing really a risk?

Then we expanded that line of reasoning to sharing your concerns with friends or asking others if they’re ok. If you put a question out there with silence as the worst possible response and someone receiving the help they need as the best, isn’t that a risk worth taking?

Finally I shared how when someone asked me how many games of professional rugby I’d played and I realised I had no idea, I also realised that experiences are more important than numbers to me. I don’t know exactly how many books I’ve sold and I don’t want to do work that’s only judged by numbers. I finished by saying that it’s the people you meet and the experiences you share that stay with you.

what they said

When we parted at the end of the retreat and were asked to sum up the weekend, so many of the guys said how they’d had a transformative experience. One said it was one of the most valuable experiences of his life. There’s such a power in communing together, power enough to make you forget about the details and remember the feelings and I was deeply privileged to be a part of this experience.

If you want to book me as a speaker then email me.